Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2012 23:39:09 GMT -5
Chapter one... please critique so far.
Pushing open an old wooden door, Jemis took a deep breath. Inside was an all concrete room. This was the rat hole that she grew up in; a one room home hidden in a maze of alleys. Her and the 'siblings' all slept on cloth layed out on the floor, taking turns with a couple of pillows each night.
No wonder she was completely mad. Anyone in this situation wouldn't be too healthy-- physically or mentally. That 'mother' thing would have made more 'siblings' if she hadn't have became infertile.
Seven other 'siblings' and Jemis only knew the name of one. Jeordie. The only thing that raised her. The only thing that cared.
The 'mother' and the 'father' didn't want them. They just moped like zombies, not stopping fights, or changing the newborns. Jeordie was usually doing this. He had the chance to run away with Jemis, but he had no money, and couldn't support himself, let alone a toddler, in these horrid worlds.
Eight years later, all nine children went berserk on eachother, Jeordie killing seven. He only cared about Jemis, but his care had caused her to flee, seeing the sight of him cannibalising the other 'siblings'.
Jemis had no idea that she had the same disgusting habit, until she was on the streets. One evening shady looking figure had hustled past Jemis' hiding place, not quick enough to evade the tiny eleven-year-old.
He was forced to the ground and had his neck broken. Jemis bit into the arm, trembling with hunger and fear of herself. What had she just done?
Pushing open an old wooden door, Jemis took a deep breath. Inside was an all concrete room. This was the rat hole that she grew up in; a one room home hidden in a maze of alleys. Her and the 'siblings' all slept on cloth layed out on the floor, taking turns with a couple of pillows each night.
No wonder she was completely mad. Anyone in this situation wouldn't be too healthy-- physically or mentally. That 'mother' thing would have made more 'siblings' if she hadn't have became infertile.
Seven other 'siblings' and Jemis only knew the name of one. Jeordie. The only thing that raised her. The only thing that cared.
The 'mother' and the 'father' didn't want them. They just moped like zombies, not stopping fights, or changing the newborns. Jeordie was usually doing this. He had the chance to run away with Jemis, but he had no money, and couldn't support himself, let alone a toddler, in these horrid worlds.
Eight years later, all nine children went berserk on eachother, Jeordie killing seven. He only cared about Jemis, but his care had caused her to flee, seeing the sight of him cannibalising the other 'siblings'.
Jemis had no idea that she had the same disgusting habit, until she was on the streets. One evening shady looking figure had hustled past Jemis' hiding place, not quick enough to evade the tiny eleven-year-old.
He was forced to the ground and had his neck broken. Jemis bit into the arm, trembling with hunger and fear of herself. What had she just done?
